Ok, so I've been waiting and waiting to make a first entry into this blog. Waiting for some travel to happen in my life so I can write about it. I don't travel around as much these days. Financial reasons. I thought about it this morning and decided this blog can be about inward journeys as well. I mean, who is going to read it anyway? I realize the inner workings of my sometimes paranoid, sometimes depressed soul will not be that interesting to most.
I travel. I travel every day in my mind. I am always dreaming that I'm a travel writer/photographer, getting paid to wander the world and see new things, write down my experiences and photograph them and actually get PAID to do that. It's a dream. I am amateur at both these things. I suppose I could just admit it and go on, but I still yearn to do them.
I am a cook. Sometimes called a "chef"... though no formal training. I have been a graphic designer, a merchandiser, a gas station attendant, a sales person, a janitor, a maid, a factory worker, a Production Assistant, Locations Assistant, and Set/Prop Assistant on feature films and commercial productions in Los Angeles, a horse and mule caretaker, a cooking instructor, a barista and coffee house manager, a musician/vocalist, and probably several other miscellaneous positions that I can't remember due to my aging brain cells.
I'm getting tired. My body is wearing out on me. I look down at my hands as I type, they look old. I want a more inward life right now. Yet I want to travel. I want escape but I want introspection. I want time. I want my time to be my own. I don't have enough of it left now.
I have relationship problems. I'm not happy. I'm not happy with my living situation. I want less noise, less traffic, less emotional upheaval all the time. I want some peace in my life. I want acceptance. I want love. Do you really think that's too much to ask?
I'm contemplating two paths at the moment. I'm thinking about taking one of those online programs to learn how to teach English in a foreign country. It seems one way I might afford more travel. Yet, I am 56 years old and never had kids. Do I really think I have the patience to TEACH???
Another option is to join a Travel Writers and Photographers group. Take classes. Learn from that, and just start. Since this is what I want to do in the first place and the teaching would just be a sidestep in some ways.... it sounds like the best option. And it also sounds like a dream. That I am just fooling myself one more time, that I could amount to something in this life.
It's hard for me to think of myself as anything but a loser...sometimes.
Then the old optimism pips up and I keep saying to myself, "Why not give it a try?" So this blog will be about that journey as well as any travels along the way. I'm not writing this with grammar or excellent writing in mind. It's a journal of thoughts, that's all. Wanderings from inside.
inner travel is as important as physical destinations. more important, probably, but actual travel is so stimulating. it takes our minds off the inner journey, and at the same time, hurries the traveling mind along.
ReplyDeletei think the teaching english as a 2nd language is a great idea for you. it would get you out of yourself. taking a writing/photography class is more of the same. do something different that gets you involved with other struggling people, who can be really inspiring, as i discovered as a high school teacher.
thank you, mk. Only thing I'm concerned about is the patience level it takes to teach. I don't know if I have it in me!
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